Yesterday M said something that kinda struck me. I knew in way it was true what she said. I just don’t like know it is going to be so far away. Two years til we start trying.
I know she is right, she also did remind me it is my fault. I got myself to this size and this health. I never thought it would ruin my hope in parenthood, or delay it this much. Makes so mad at myself.
We have a long road to make it happen and my weight is going to cause a delay, a large fucking delay.
M told me a few weeks ago, she would be fine if it was just me and her and no children. Then she said something that is very true, I would not be fine with out kids. I want to be a mother so bad some days it hurts. The sting is hard.
Another repeat of this problem again. M does not like having to revisit this emotion, but I feel it. I feel guilt, but it is there.
In beautiful pieces she is 